Six Struggles

     Being a stay-at-home mom is a privilege and a blessing.  I am very thankful that God has allowed me to be at home with the boys.  Of course there have been times when our budget has been tight, but I don't mind.  It's worth it.  I totally admire my mom friends that work. You simply amaze me.

     Being at home with the kids has numerous benefits but at times there are struggles.  I have made an attempt to discuss six of the struggles that I have faced.  I am sure there are more that stay at home moms face.

1.  Loneliness:  After having children, I quit my job and I didn't have any close friends.  I knew several women, but I didn't have intimate friends.  I began praying and over time the Lord supplied me with several close friends.  We also have moved several times, and I learned to initiate and open my home for playdates.  So if you are lonely, pray and ask the Lord for close friends and initiate.  

2.  Overscheduled:  I have learned that being a stay-at-home mom results in many requests for my time.  I have been guilty week after week of not protecting my schedule.  I am the keeper of my schedule.  I have to constantly remind myself that saying "no" is okay.  My goal is to save my energy for my family.  If I overextend myself during the day, my family will pay in the evenings because I turn into a short fused, irritable, grouchy woman.  So guard your schedule! 

3.   Superwoman Syndrome:  As a young mom, I thought I was weak if I asked for help.  I thought that being strong and independent was admirable.  It took me several years to learn to receive help.  I learned that by letting others help me, my friendships grew even stronger.  So I encourage you to let others help you.  So learn to receive help. (I'm still not very good at this!)

4.  My worth:  Sometimes, I forget my worth.  When I was in college or working, my performance was measured easily.  Some days I don't grasp my value or worth.  I have to remind myself often that loving my family and serving them is one of the highest callings.  So please don't forget that you are doing kingdom work. 

5.  Comparison:  When I was a young mom, I constantly looked around at other moms.  I remember looking at one mom and thinking, "Man, she has it all together."   It wasn't until I got to know her on a more personal level that I saw that she wasn't perfect.  She had weaknesses.  That was a great lesson because it taught me that none of us have it all together.  We all have weaknesses.  So resist the tendency to compare! 

6.  Perfectionism:  This is a really big struggle for me.  I am my worst enemy.  I really want to be a wonderful mom and wife.  When I miss the mark,  I feel so guilty and shame myself.  I don't get over it quickly.  I have learned that sometimes my expectations are way to high.  They are unrealistic. For example, I thought that I should never lose it with my children.  This is a great goal but not realistic.  I need to work on setting realistic expectations for myself and I need to accept God's grace quickly.  I need to quit trying so hard to be a super extraordinary mom.  Being a good mom is enough.  Really it is.  So be realistic in your expectations and receive grace from God when you blow it. 

  I am sure there are other struggles.  I am still asking the Lord to help me in these struggles.  Progress.  It's all we need to look for.  So just to recap:

1.  You were made to do life with friends.
2.  Protect your schedule.
3.  Let others help you.
4.  Remind yourself that you are doing kingdom work.
5.  Refuse to compare yourself.
6.  Have realistic expectations and receive grace.

Hugs to all of you precious moms.

5 Things

5 THINGS

Just a side note.  I took this pic for my chilly Oklahoma friend! Ha! Stay warm friends!  

     I sat down with my pen and paper over the holidays and thought about the upcoming year.  My thoughts wandered to what kind of mom I want to be in 2014.  I thought about 5 different areas and all I am really hoping for in each area is progress.   Thanks for reading my ramblings! 

May my boys see me as:

1.  a mom who believes and trusts in a Mighty and Big God that holds it all together.  The future is uncertain for all of us.  The news tells us almost daily of horrific crimes of violence or of life taking disasters.  Quite honestly, the news can paralyze us with fear.  May I tell myself and my children often that God holds it all together.  In Him, we are held together.  He holds the planets, the stars, and every living creature.   

Colossians 1 MSG  "He holds all things together.  In Him all things hold together."

2.  a mom who chooses to connect with God often instead of technology.  We are made to be connectors.  God wants to connect with us daily.  The world screams at us to connect via twitter, FB, text, and etc.  None of these are bad, if guardrails are set in place.  I am the boys example for technology.  Let the boys see a mom who sets guardrails with technology.  Just a side note...I love the blog www.handfreemama.com and she is releasing her first book this week.  Get a copy!  

3.  a mom who makes connecting with her hubby a priority.  My hubby and I are the children's example for marriage.  There are no perfect marriages or at least that's what I tell myself! So if yours is perfect, don't tell me! Ha!  May they see a healthy marriage, one that thrives instead of survives.  May they see us making one another a priority. 

4.  a mom who connects with her boys often.  May I study them and may the Lord give me common ground with each one.  This takes effort and time on my part!  It requires me to be more "people focused" than "task focused".  

5.  a mom who extends grace over and over again.  May I give grace to myself when I "blow it"  as a mom or as a wife.  May I extend grace to the boys when they miss the mark.  May I accept them and enjoy them and not try to "fix" them all of the time.  

Wishing you all a healthy New Years.   May your souls prosper.  Hugs to you all.  Thanks again for reading my ramblings. I apologize for using the word "may" over and over again in this post.  It's kind of a prayer so "may" just seemed to flow the best. 

It's Hard

   

     The past week I found myself going down a negative trail.  I got stuck there for a weekend and then the Lord snapped me out of it on Monday morning.  I started thinking about all of the "hard" in my life.  Please don't compare my hard to your hard.  I don't have a baby getting up in the middle of the night, I don't homeschool, and I don't work outside of the home all of which I think are really hard.  I have had harder seasons and I know that it is likely that I will have harder seasons in my future.  The truth of the matter is that we all have some hard stuff going on in our lives, don't we?

     My hard consists of the crazy schedule of getting four boys off to school in the morning:  four lunches packed, breakfast served, hubby served, dog dealt with, squabbles between siblings dealt with,  and time with the Lord so I don't bite someone's head off before 8:00 am.

     Then there is the serving outside of the home, volunteering in my children's classes, and keeping up the house.  I can't ever seem to get on top of my kitchen.  It's constantly messy. ( I actually had to clear the mess out of the way to get the picture for this post.)  Laundry....don't get me started.  Clean bathrooms.  You know when you have four boys you have to clean the bathrooms at least three times a week.  Then there are groceries to gather for these growing boys.  I think almost all of our money goes to feed these boys.

     Then there is the after school.  It's like a marathon after school.  Can you relate?  From three in the afternoon until bedtime I better have my game face on.  You know the drill...homework galore, a few more squabbles,  dinner, activities, bedtime routines, etc.  By nine o'clock, I am exhausted.

     So that leads to another hard...it's hard connecting with my hubby in this season of life.  We are both trying to find creative ways to connect.  We are both working hard and by the time we get the boys in bed, we are ready for bed.  We are trying to be creative to find ways to connect and to have fun.

     So there is a glimpse of my hard.  It doesn't sound that bad.  But this past weekend I was consumed by it.  I was down.  Then I spent some time with the Lord on Monday morning.  I read the verse Philippians 4:8 and looked at several translations.  I love how the Living Bible says it "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.  Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine good things in others."  What stuck out to me is that I need to FIX my thoughts on that which is positive.  I need to DWELL on that which is positive.  I had allowed my mind to be filled with the negative the past week.  It's okay to acknowledge the negative but I need to DWELL on the positive. There are so many positives in my life but I have to remind myself daily to look for them.  I am so thankful for my boys and my hubby, I am so thankful for this crazy busy season, I am so thankful I can stay at home, I am so thankful I can serve my family and others, I am so thankful I have good friends and the list goes on.

     So if you have found yourself being consumed with negativity lately, I am very sorry.  It's not a fun place to be.  Begin dwelling on the positive and ask God to help you see the positive all around you.

     Lastly, in our hard, we may have some control over things that need to change.  In my case it might be my schedule.  So just keep this in mind too!  Talk to the Lord about it.  Hugs to all of you.


   

Famous at Home

 
     Recently I read a book on prayer called Drawing the Circle.  In the book, the author shared how he prays to be famous in his home.  This concept really impacted me, and I have started praying this over myself as well.  If I am honest there are times when serving outside of the home can give me immediate thanks or approval.  It's not that serving is a bad thing.  It's just something I need to keep in check.  Over the past few days I have thought about what it means to be famous at home.  I am not talking about being their best friend and not establishing expectations and not giving consequences.  Famous can be defined as "first rate or exceptional".  Here are some questions I have been asking myself and maybe you can ask yourself as well.

1.  Am I present with my children?  I want them to know without a doubt that they are more important than an email, a text, the news, Pinterest, Facebook, etc.  How can I implement this?  I can set up guardrails by checking email or Pinterest once or twice a day.  When we are at the park, I can be intentional about being present and involved.  When they are at football or gymnastics, I can be a captive audience.  Recently, I read a book by Jeff Goins and he shared, "What if we are so caught up in not missing anything that we miss the important stuff right in front of us."  That really stuck with me.

2.  Am I connecting with them on a regular basis?  I want to connect with each one of them and spend one-on-one time with them.  The best way for my husband and I to do this is to have a schedule for our dates with them.  I also try to connect with them at home whether it's tossing a football, playing Uno, or simply watching them ride a skateboard.  I have to remind myself to stop what I am doing and engage with them. I don't always do a great job on this.  There's always room for improvement.

3.  What are my priorities?  Do I give and give outside of the home or do I save energy for my family?  I had great teaching on this as a young mom.  The priorities are suppose to be:  God, family, church, and others.  Sometimes we think serving at church is more important than serving our own family members.  We are called to be the keeper of our home and our family.  I can get pulled in many directions so I have to be on guard.  Also regarding priorities, it's so important for me to make sure my husband is a priority over my children.  It's an area that I really have to pay attention to in my life.

4.  How am I treating my family?  Am I grumpy, irritable, discontent, impatient?  Sometimes I am.  My desire is to be someone who is gentle, kind, and even tempered.  I have been praying lately that I will be a gift to my children (Ann Voskamp).  I find that when I am not guarding my schedule or if I am not taking care of myself with my eating and exercise I can get a little bit more unpleasant.

5.  Do I delight in my children?  Do I see my children as a duty or do I delight in them and have fun with them?  I have read it's so important to ask children questions and listen rather than "talking at them" all of the time.  Do I jump on the trampoline, play chase, play football, or simply sit down and watch a movie?  Sometimes I do.  I am always blessed by entering into their world.

     By writing this article I have found a theme.  It's so important to be intentional as a parent.  Some days I miss the mark.  I over schedule my time, I lose it with a kid, or I don't take care of myself, or I glance at technology too much.  But I can't get this prayer out of my head.  Will you join me in praying these two things:

1.  Lord, help me to be famous in my home.

2.  Lord, help me to be a Gift to my family.

Hugs to all of you precious moms.

Connecting with Children

     We have not always done a great job of connecting with our children.  To be quite honest, connecting with four children can be overwhelming.  It is important to us to connect with them on a personal level but for years we stumbled around and we were inconsistent.  For the past two years, we have implemented a routine that works really well for us.

Connecting at home:  It is easy for me to connect with two of my children at home.  They enjoy playing board games, pool, or tossing the football.  I have struggled to find ways to connect with the other two. I have studied them and prayed and asked God to show me ways to connect with them.  I have found in recent months they just like me to watch them ride their skateboards or sit near them and watch them read or play a video game.  They just want to be with me.  Study your child and ask God to give you common ground with your child.  

Connecting outside of the home: This is the area that was highly challenging for my hubby and I .  We wanted to take them on "daddy/mommy dates" but we got overwhelmed with trying to do this on a monthly basis.  Now we have found a routine.  My husband takes two children a month on individual dates.  This seems to be manageable for our family.  Find a routine that works well for your family.

Three tips for the dates (my boys call them "trips"):  I usually let them pick the outing.  Sometimes they pick going to a movie, to dinner, or on a hike.  I have found that "time" is the key factor.  Early on I made the mistake of taking them to Target to let them pick out something to buy, but I realy didn't spend time with them.  Now, if I want to buy them something, we go to the park first or for ice cream.  The second tip involves playing "The Would You Rather Game".  My younger two boys love me to ask them random questions in the car and it usually leads to deeper conversations.  My last tip is that I try to end the dates by telling them five things I love about them.  Some of them really "light up" and some of them just nod.  

Connecting through a journal:  The last way that I try to connect with the boys is through a journal.  I got this wonderful idea off of pinterest last year.  Each week I write a simple note to each boy in their journal pointing out their strengths for the week.  Some of the boys love this and are very grateful while some of the boys don't show much emotion but that's okay with me!

It is truly busy trying to connect with each child but it so worth it.  I also have to remind myself often to connect with my hubby and do special things for him.  I have to say that connecting with the Lord each day helps me in the crazy but fun journey of parenthood.  I would love to hear your ideas as well!!  Hugs to all of you precious moms.

Prayer Chart for Moms

     As a young mom, I read the book called "A Woman After God's Own Heart".  In the book the author suggested that you make a prayer chart.  Well, that was over ten years ago and I still use this chart to start my day.  I have also made one for my children and you can view it on my blog as well.  Hugs to all of you precious moms!

Volume 2 Devotional for Kids

The first volume included the Psalms and Proverbs.  This second volume will have scriptures from the New Testament.  If you missed the first volume, you can find it on my blog.  As I mentioned before, most of these scriptures are from the Message Bible.  Some are from various devotionals or books I have read over the years.  I bought a 50 page index card booklet and printed the verses on the pages.  I added stickers to decorate it.  I have placed  these booklets by my older two boys beds so they can read from it each night.

Here are the verses:

Love one another.
Think about God more than yourself.
God is on your side. Romans 8
Get along with others.  1 Cor 1
Love cares more for others than self. 1 Cor 13
Look for the best in others.  1 Cor 13
God wants to have a relationship with you.
Don't compare yourself to others.  Gal. 6
Nothing is too hard for the Lord.
Let your words be helpful.  Eph 4
Keep company with God. Eph 5
Be agreeable.  Phil 2
Pray often for a likeminded friend.
Instead of worrying, pray.  Phil 4
Put on compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, and love each day.  Col 3
Be even tempered. Col 3
Keep your eyes wide open in gratitude.  Col 4
Do your best. Col 3
Speak encouraging words to others.  1 Thes 5
Pray for others. 1 Tim 2
Be content with who you are.
Share what you have with others. Heb 11
Live well, live wisely, live humbly.  James 3
Real wisdom is gentle and reasonable. James 3
Don't bad mouth others.  James 4
Don't complain about others.  James 5
God cares about the details of your life.  James 5
Don't retaliate.  James 5
Say nothing evil or hurtful. 1 Pet 3
Don't live your life in wanting mode.  Be a giver.
Love God and love people. 1 Jn 4
God loves you all of the time.  He loves you when you are good and when you mess up.
Be devoted to prayer.  Talk to God often.
Guard against self pity.  Think of others.
Refuse to worry.
Do not let your heart be troubled.  Talk to God.
God is your ever present help.
God is your constant companion.
God is with you and for you.
You face nothing alone.
There is always a negative and positive list in your life. Focus on the positive.
Ask God how to serve others.
Let others praise you.
Pray for yourself.
God is all powerful.  He can do anything.

Click on the link to print out your own copy:
Volume 2 truths

Hugs to all of you precious moms!