My Mommy Prayer

     Mommyhood is a high calling.  It is so rewarding.  I love being a mom.  I love my boys.  Some days are hard.  Some days are really hard.  Some days I miss the mark.  Yesterday, I missed the mark.  I raised my voice at my little guy.  He didn't deserve it.  Nobody deserves it.  I messed up.  I took responsibility and apologized to God, to him, and to my family.  I felt like a terrible mom for the rest of the day.  I know God forgives me.  It's hard to forgive myself.

What can I do?

1.  I can guard my schedule so I have energy for my family.

2.  I can limit our activities after school and make sure our family has "down time".

3.  I can pray throughout the day for myself.  My favorite verse to pray as a mom is Col. 3:12 "Clothe yourselves (daily) with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."

4.  I can stop expecting perfection from myself.  The truth is I am going to mess up as a mom.  I am human.  I am flawed.  I have to let go of the idea that I must be a perfect mom. When I mess up, I need to take responsibility.  I need to look for "progress" in my life not "perfection".

5.  I can read this "Mommy Prayer" over and over again.  I compiled this list of mommy reminders from some of my favorite parenting books.

You can download this for free when you click on the link:

Mommy Prayer printable:

Here are the written words of the prayer:

God, help me to:

put on kindness

put on tenderhearted mercy

be gentle and not harsh

use empathy in instruction

stay calm

respond not react

train/instruct in love

listen, really listen

smile often          enjoy my child

touch or hug my child

point out my child's strengths

remember my child is a precious gift

build up my child

spend time with my child

and pray like crazy.

For a closer look at how I choose to instruct my little guys check out my blog entry called "Disciplining/Instructing the little ones."

Cultivating Friendships between Siblings

    

    I believe the desire of every mom's heart is for her children to be the best of friends.  I know this is something I think about quite often.  What can I do to cultivate this as a mom?

1.  I can encourage them to work out their issues on their own.

2.  I can provide a home in which I do not compare the children to one another.

3.  I can provide a home where tearing down one another, name calling, and aggravating one another is not acceptable.

4.  I can praise them when I see them choosing to get along or choosing to be kind to a sibling. (Check out my kindness jar post.)

5.  MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can pray God's Word over them.

Here are the scriptures  I have collected from the Message Bible to pray over them:

God, help them not to be hot headed or quick tempered with one another.  Prov 14 MSG

God, remind them to respond gently to one another.  Prov. 15:1 MSG

Let their words be kind and helpful towards one another.  Prov. 15:4 MSG

Remind them that when they overlook an offense, they bond a friendship.  (in other words help them to tattle less!)  Prov 17 MSG

Prompt them to get along with each other and to be considerate of one another.  1 Cor 1:10 MSG

God, help them to find common ground with each other.  1 Cor 9:22 MSG

Lord, may they speak encouraging words to one another and build one another up.  1 Thes 5 MSG

May their love for one another grow.  2 Thes. 1:3  MSG

Help them to love one another deeply.  1 Pet 1:22 MSG

Let them be agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, and humble towards one another.  1 Pet. 3

Remind them not to compare themselves to one another.  Gal 5 MSG

Help them to agree with each other, love each other, and be deep spirited friends.  Phil 2 MSG

God, may they be even tempered with one another, content with second place, and quick to forgive each other.  Col 3:13 MSG

100 Point Summer Challenge

"She watches over the ways of her household"  Prov 31 :27 KJV

  I have four boys ages 12, 9,7, and 5.  Last year I found myself getting a little anxious when summer rolled around.  Because we live in the desert, we are usually inside all day long, and I mean all day long.  Of course we go to the pool and go on outtings, but most of our time is spent at home.  My ultimate goal is to limit their time with technology.  In the summer,  I do allow them to play on the computer or video games or watch tv for up to two hours a day.  Last year, I devised this plan to keep them busy and it was really successful. The boys can accumulate 100 points each month.  I composed a chart for June and then for July.  Once an activity is finished, they are responsible for placing the appropriate number of "x's"  on their chart.  When they accrue 100 points I give them a 10 dollar gift card or 10 dollars cash.  Here is the point system I use:

read for 30 minutes:  3 points
play with a brother for 30 minutes:  3 points
draw for 20 minutes:  2 points
do a craft project for 20 minutes:  2 points
exercise for 15 minutes:  2 points
jump on the trampoline for 15 minutes:  2 points
throw football passes for 15 minutes:  2 points
build with legos for 30 minutes:  3 points
play ping pong for 15 minutes:  2 points
play a board game for 20 minutes:  2 points
play cards for 20 minutes:  2 points

You can create your own point system.  A poster board taped to the wall works really well for this.  Here is a picture of our chart:

As this summer approaches, I am finding myself less anxious because of this system.  Hugs to all of you amazing moms.

Birth Order....Parenting Tips

 

     I compiled these lists from Kevin Leman's books called The Birth Order Book  and Firstborns.  I am a HUGE fan of his.  He has written over 30 books on parenting and marriage. I highly recommend for you to check out his books.  Before you read over the lists, please note there are several factors that can impact the birth order such as spacing of age, the gender of the kids, blended families, etc.  This is a cheat sheet for you non-readers and for me just to refer back to OFTEN!! : )

FIRST BORNS:

Positives:   
They tend to be reliable, responsible, leaders, achievers, diligent, hard workers,etc. They get much glory for all of their accomplishments.

Negatives:
They are hard on themselves.  They can become discouraged because of perfectionism tendencies.  They can be critical of others.

Parenting Tips:           
Try to point out their positive qualities and not just their flaws all of the time.  Don't give them more responsibilities all of the time just because they are older.  Don't be overly hard on them, because they are already hard on themselves.

MIDDLE CHILDREN:

Positives:    
They tend to be social and have many friends.  They tend to be the peacemakers.  They can be artistic and inventive.

Negatives:    
Sometimes this child may not get as much as attention as the older and the younger so they try to draw attention to themselves and act out.  They tend to be people pleasers instead of leaders.

Parenting Tips:             
This child needs you to help him/her find their place.  Accept the child for who he or she is.  Give this child attention.  Instead of always giving this child hand-me-downs, make this child feel special by buying them new things.  Listen to this child.  Make a big deal about his or her achievements. Let them pick the family outtings sometimes.

LAST BORNS:

Positives:     
This child tends to be more social than the other siblings.  This child gets a lot of glory for being so cute or charming.  They want to have fun.  They can also be creative.

Negatives:    
This child can be manipulative.  Because this child gets so much attention, he or she may struggle at times with being self centered instead of "others centered".

Parenting Tips:        
Try to discipline this child the same as you do the older ones.  There is a tendency to go easy on this child.  Resist that.  Give the youngest child responsibilities.  Make a big deal about his achievements.

Only Children:

These children have many of the same qualities as the first born because they get so much attention.  They tend to be harder on themselves than first borns.  Please see the characteristics of the FIRST BORNS.


IN CONCLUSION:

This parenting stuff is a high calling.  It is a big job.  God, please give us wisdom and insight with our children.  Help us every day to love our children and accept them for who they are.  Help us to be fair.  Help us to give them all the attention they need.  Help our children to feel loved and accepted by us.  We need Your help every day Lord.  Hugs to you all.

The Proverbs' Woman: 9 Attributes

     The Proverbs Woman is found in Chapter 31 of Proverbs.  To be honest reading about her can be quite intimidating.  I am far from being a Proverbs Woman, I mean like really far.  Over the past few days I have studied her.  I looked at 7 different translations of the Bible to compose a list of some of her characteristics.

     The opposite of being a Proverbs Woman would include the following:  pointing out the husband's flaws, being critical of the husband, having a complaining spirit, not being productive, not being a good steward with money, taking care of self is not a priority, speaking whatever comes to mind, being selfish with money and concerned only with self, feeding on trash (what she looks at during the day), worrying and fretting about things instead of praying.  OUCH.  I am going to list the 9 different attributes I compiled.  My challenge for myself and for you is to prayerfully ask the Lord which ones He would have us improve on in our lives.

The Proverbs Woman:

1.  She is noble, high minded (she does not feed on trash or nothingness.)  She is trustworthy.
Her husband is able to trust her fully.

2.  She comforts her husband and encourages him.  She does him good and is not spiteful (mean or revengeful).

3.  She is a hardworker.  She doesn't complain about her work.  She takes delight in it and senses the worth of her work.  She does not eat the bread of idleness.

4.  She is wise with money.  She puts money aside for times of need.

5.  She is prepared and organized.  She gets spiritual food for her family and stays grounded in the Lord.

6.  She takes care of herself.  She does not wear "mommy clothes" all day (Steph's translation).  She girds herself with strength (spiritual, mental, and physical for her God given tasks).

7.  She is the "watchman" of the home.  She keeps an eye on everyone in her home.  When trouble or sorrow or fear comes, she prays through the night.

8.  When she speaks, her words are kind, wise, and worthwhile.

9.  She is giving.  She reaches out to the poor and needy.

     There were many areas I could have chosen to work on with the Lord's help.  Here are the 3 I have chosen to focus on over the next few weeks:

1.  I can get into a complaining mode and talk about "how hard things are" or "how tired I am".  I am going to try to cultivate a thankful heart throughout the day.
2.  I often forget the value or worth of being a "stay at home mom".  I need to remind myself daily that it is a high calling and has great value in the eyes of the Lord.
3.  I need to make physical exercise a priority. I have had sick kids for over 2 weeks and my exercise routine is non-existent.

     Please look over the list and prayerfully ask God to show you an area.  I would love to know the area or areas you are going to focus on in the weeks ahead.  Please message me and I will be faithful to pray for you!!  Love to you all.

Prayer Chart 4 Kids

     Do you ever find yourself being repetitive in your prayers or asking God for the same things?

I know I do.  I think we all probably do to some extent.  As a young mom, I read a book by Elizabeth George titled "A Woman After God's Own Heart".  From that book, I took away a prayer chart that I still use daily.  I will share it at the end of this blog post.

Here is the prayer chart I have posted by the boy's beds.  This one is great for ages 2-7.  You can simply print out a bear coloring sheet and have them color it.

This one is great for ages 8- teen years.  You can make a girlie one or just personalize it for your child!  Not every personality may love the idea of a prayer chart.  It is just a tool to use if they want.
Download your free printable of the chart here:

prayer chart printable

Here is more detail to prompt them in their prayers:

Mon:    My family (Mom, Dad, Brothers, Sisters, Grandma, Grandpa, etc)
Tues:    The Lost (those who need Jesus)
Wed:    World (we pray for specific places such as Somalia, Yemen, Uganda, etc)
Thurs:  Those in Charge (teachers, pastors, president, etc)
Fri:       Friends (children in their class, etc.)
Sat:      Self (their purpose, for likeminded friends, Col 3:12, etc)
Sun:     Service Opportunities (to the poor, at school, at church, etc)

Last of all, I will share about my prayer chart.  As a mom, wife, and friend there is an overwhelming amount to pray about each day.  My goal is start my day off praying for the things listed on my chart.  Then as the day progresses I will pray for things God places on my heart. As you will see, mine is similar to the childrens.

Mon:      Mate, marriage,
Tues:      The Lost
Wed:      World
Thurs:    The boys
Fri:         Friends
Sat:        Self
Sun:       Service

Let me know your thoughts.  Pray on Mighty Warriors!!  Love to you.

Disciplining/Instructing the Little Ones

     Because I am a mom of four children, the question I get asked the most is "How do you discipline your children?". So I am going to attempt to write a blog entry about how we discipline/instruct our children.

Disclaimer:  I have not arrived.  I am not the perfect mom.  The ideas I am sharing are simply the ones that work the best for our family at this moment in time. I am constantly reading books and trying to gather new ideas. Please know my heart, I would be thrilled if a handful of people take away one tip from this entry.

My Tone: When my children are misbehaving, my goal is to be a responder not a reactor.   I have to check myself and make sure I am responding with a calm and gentle voice. It is challenging to respond when they are yelling or getting louder.  If I react to their misbehavior and become harsh and stern, this does not allow for the teachable moment to take place.  I am constantly praying Col 3:12 over myself  "Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Do I ever blow it and use a stern or harsh voice?  Of course I blow it,  and when this happens I immediately ask for their forgiveness.

     There are really 2 components in our parenting techniques.  My hubby and I are on the same page when it comes to parenting so we try as a team to implement these strategies.  The key is trying to be consistent for us!  First I will share the "Consequences for Misbehavior" and then I will share our "Positive Reinforcement Chart".

Consequences for Bad Behavior:

    When the boys misbehave I send them to the bathroom so our conversation is private.  I begin by asking them what they did wrong.  I ask them these type of questions in attempt to get to their hearts:

"Were you stirring up trouble with your brother or were you promoting peace?"
"Were you being a troublemaker or a peacemaker?"
"Were you building your brother up or tearing him down with your words?"
"Were your words helpful or hurtful?"
"Were you obeying mom or disobeying mom?"

After our little discussion, the consequence is given.  I am trying to give them a "natural consequence". Some examples of this:
"Oh, you guys are fighting over legos, I guess you are done for a while."
"Oh, you are not taking turns on the trampoline very well, I guess you are done."
"Oh, you are still bouncing the basketball in the house after I asked you to stop, I guess it is mine for the day."
"Oh you are having a rough morning, I guess you need to go to bed 15 minutes early tonight or maybe even 30 minutes."
"Oh you are not being kind to your brother, I guess you need to apologize and think of something kind to do for him."

Sometimes I use the "uh-oh" jar for consequences:

"The Uh-Oh" Jar

adapted from Pinterest

Here is a list of the possible consequences for the jar:

Pick up 15 things in your room.

Pick up 10 things in the backyard.

Sweep the patio.

Take the recycling out.

Gather all of the laundry.

Write out 10 times "I will be a peacemaker."

There are also three pieces of paper marked "mercy".  This means they get a free pass.  One day my six year old was misbehaving and he drew out the paper with mercy on it.  His face lit up and his whole day totally turned around. 

The last step in instructing/discipling them is praying with them and giving them a hug.  I try to do this each time but sometimes I get in a hurry.  It is an area I am striving to do better at.

The Reinforcement/Praise Chart:

We have only been doing this for about a couple of months.  The boys have a chart taped inside of the pantry with boxes they can check off. Once the chart is complete, they can pick a prize out of the treasure box.

Here are some examples of getting an "x" on their chart:
Being kind to a brother by sharing.
Encouraging or building up a brother.
Being a helper when they were not asked.
Having a good morning routine without any behavior problems.
For the little ones, staying in their room at night without coming out after "lights out".
Doing homework without complaining.

They are not given a sticker for every time they share or are kind.  Also, they may not ask for an "x"!

Here are some treasure box ideas:
pencils
erasers
hot wheels
candy
gum
balloons
a dollar
a trip to starbucks for hot chocolate
a trip to get ice cream
stay up late card

    The ages of my children are 5, 7, 9, and 12.  These strategies work great for the younger three.  I am reading and exploring ideas for my 12 year old.  He still has a progression of consequences but I no longer spank him.  He also was not too thrilled about the positive reinforcment chart so he opted not to do it.  I am gathering information for the "teenager phase".  Wish me luck!

     This mommy stuff can be very challenging and exhausting at times.  It is a high calling!!  I would love to hear your parenting ideas or tips.  I am always open to new ideas.

Lastly, my very favorite parenting books:
Love and Logic
Don't Make Me Count to Three
Grace Based Parenting